This is for us!

I tried and tried to figure out how to add this to a comment on another bloggers site and I can’t get it, but I know she will see this! πŸŒˆπŸ˜‰

But as I thought about it, this meme actually fits us all very well! We tell our stories, share them, let them go, we may heal from them and others read them and say “oh me too” with a new strength because they now know they are not alone.

So rather it is chronic illness, domestic violence, whatever, here is to us!

*image from Thug Unicorn by Tanya Markul! You should check her poems out, they are amazing!!! I LOVE HER!

And…

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She’s My Best Friend~

For a while now I have hesitated posting this for many reasons, the reason I am posting it now is I started this blog to show the RAW emotions of Chronic Illness, so true to form here I go…

She’s one of my best friends, she’s tough as nails, she’s a go getter, she’s been there for me through the hell of my most recent diagnosis! She’s pushed my wheel chair, she’s drove me around. We’ve had slumber parties at my house when I wasn’t so able to get around. She’s been there.

And now, now she is there.

She is fighting for a diagnosis now, the path we all go down of uncertainty, unfamiliarity, everything the doctor says is contradictory or unclear. She’s got a list of symptoms. She’s not sleeping and the pain is kicking her arse. She is there now.

I recognize each stage she goes through, I’ve been there but I get it; I remember how mad I’d get when people said “be more positive.” I remember how I hated the “well at least it’s not worse/Cancer etc” I remember all of that. What I don’t remember is what did people say or do that helped?

Being there. Letting me vent without advice given.

I remember that there really wasn’t anything anyone could say or do to help me, I needed to go through it all, I needed to find my own peace, nothing or no one could do it for me…

But… She is my best friend and seeing her go through this is breaking my heart! I know the pain she’s in because I’ve been there. And now she is there! She is there now and I want more than anything to pick her up like a game price and move her to the part of the illness where acceptance has introduced her to new happiness.

I don’t want her to go through this!

I’m supposed to be encouraging, but depending on my own mood and feelings toward my “story” is not as encouraging as I want to be. For me, fibro came on 20+ years ago and I thought that was a death sentence of life with unending pain, then a few years ago the CFS, Addison’s, Hashimotos, Hypothyroidism, Myofascial Pain, Plantar Fascitis, the _______ (insert any of the newest diagnosis’s) came along and I realized that the fibro was the least of my worries. Some days it’s so hard not to tell her “oh honey it gets worse. So much worse.” But that might not be how it goes for her, and seriously, that is soooo NOT encouraging.

Add that to…

I am finally teetering on a place of acceptance, where I look back and see the growth I have experienced as a person through this time, even as painful as it was. I like the new me! Yes I’d love to not have these illnesses, but I do have them and am finally living with them instead of against them and life is better. So some days I want to be the “look at the bright side” person, no not the “be more positive” person but the person who says “you are going to love the person you become!”

So who do I be with this person who was a rock for me? The encourager? The realist? The sympathizer? The observer? I don’t know how to or who to be because she is there now! I know she knows I understand, but I also know from my own experience that “no one truly understands because mine is different!”

She’s my best friend…

Another Moment of Memories Made~

Yesterday started with my fibro in a fit and struggling to keep up on my Cortisol, but I survived. I even had a good time!

The Celebration turned out pretty good, lots of memories made which is exactly what I am striving for now a days.

But today as hubby and friends wake up with hangover, I too wake up with a throbbing head and extremely nauseous.

Mistake number one was me staying outside in 45′ temperatures too long, but at the time I didn’t feel too cold. It took hours to even get my skin warm again. The pain from that still lingers today.

Then a “slight” rise in adrenaline just before the end of the party used up any Cortisol I had left but I was so tired I didn’t think to updose. Big mistake.

Today I’ve barely left the bed except to eat a bit and take my meds.

It’s an Addy thing, this killer headache that nearly has me screaming for relief! I didn’t even drink any alcohol yet today I am the sickest.

It doesn’t matter, at least not that I’ve found, what I do to prepare, or how much I try to prepare, I always suffer from a good time.

BUT…

It’s about the memories made! I can still see the smiles through the pain, hear the laughter through my own moans, it is about the memories. Having Addison’s has made me thankful for and eager to make and be apart of memories! Tomorrow is not promised but the memories will carry on.

So even though today is miserable, it is worth it.

Another moment of memories made! πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—

It just pisses me off~

I’ve had a decent couple of days and I should have known what was coming, but I forgot! How did I forget? I’ve been dealing with this for years…

crash, flare, down day— whatever it is IT is pissing me off today. You see today is important because it’s the celebration party for our son and his new bride! Today I am supposed to decorate our house and yard, I have a cake to pick up, luckily (thanks to my amazing hubby) we are picking up a catered dinner! He is so great that way, saving me energy where he can!

With any chronic illness it’s not like we know what tomorrow will bring “Sorry I can’t have the party tomorrow I will be having a down day!” We can’t say that, because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

But here it is, tomorrow is now today and I’ve got a killer low Cortisol headache that I can’t get controlled and my back is on fire, and now I’ve got some sort of weird thing where my left hand involuntarily curls the wrong directions and cramps there for agonizing minutes at a time. What the heck is that? Anyway…

My point is that this chronic awesomeness that is my life really pisses me off sometimes!!!

Pharmacy Trials and Errors~

I’ve ranted about this multiple times, so many times in fact that it’s almost funny now. Before I get started I want y’all to know a couple things;

1. Yes I do know they have been trained to go for the generic first

2. Yes I do know people make mistakes.

3. Yes I do know that I am a zebra being fed with horses.

4. Yes I do know I could just change pharmacies.

You do not have to defend them I don’t get upset when you do) I get it, but it doesn’t make what’s happening any less dangerous for me or anyone in similar shoes, it doesn’t make it okay, it doesn’t make life easier on me so I do have the right to rant when it happens time and time again. And I’m terrified to start this learning period over again at a new pharmacy.

Yes the pharmacy tried to give me a med I am allergic to. AGAIN.

TWO years I have been having this problem, I call in to refill, I talk to a person not the automated system, they assure me they are aware of the allergy, assure me the right medication is in, I go pick it up and it’s wrong. One time they even put the wrong medication into the right bottle! They have notes everywhere in my chart that I am allergic to Qualitest, my doctor has called repeatedly to chew them out. My husband has chewed them out multiple times- even over hearing they would just substitute the bad for the good. I have spoke to multiple managers. And every time it happens again. The last two times I’ve ordered 3 month supplies so I get a longer span between issues.

Oh and then my doctor adds the same good medication in a different milligram. So now I have 2 of theses pain in the ass- saves my life medications to deal with.

Again refer back to 1-4. But please keep in mind that I have cognitive issues and organizing my medications every week is overwhelming, usually resulting in tears running down my cheeks from frustration and pain from sitting so long.

Cutting pills, doubling pills, double checking amounts and times, reordering supplements, refilling prescriptions, and… this alone is a daunting task much less the energy to get to the pharmacy, battle them, get back to the pharmacy a second or third time to get the right one I had already spent precious time talking on the phone verifying the correct brand med.

More than once I have contemplated taking the wrong med then let my hubby sue them for killing me. (Yes I know I can’t do that now because it would be premeditated.)

It’s just frustrating. I have enough to deal with.

Okay rant over for today.

Astrology Fun~

I am loving how other bloggers are posting tid-bits unrelated to their normal topics, it breaks things up a bit. *I love their normal topics by the way! So I am going to try it out by doing what I love doing! Randomly I’ll post some astrological insight or random fun fact or whatever else I feel like posting.

*self promo in 3-2-…

If you like what I post astrologically I post more at Musings of a CosmicGypsy on Facebook!

*I take a bow and blush

I’ll start today with a link to the Cosmically Speaking I post on Monday’s as a forecast for the week! If I remember I will post a Friday Fun Fact on Fridays… *i suck at repetition so we will see how this works!!!