It’s not a Self Harm Statement, it is a Real Question~

I may not be speaking for all of us, but as someone with multiple chronic illnesses I think it is safe to assume that most of us have at least thought “why keep fighting this loosing battle?”

I have thought it, cried it, screamed it, and posted about it a bajillion times.

More than once people have thought it was a self-harm statement, a plea for attention, overly dramatic.

I’m writing this post to let you know that when I question why I should keep fighting this battle it is none of the above. So what is it? It is a real question!

It is…

Painsomnia nights.

Pain filled days.

More doctors appointments.

More diagnosis.

More medications.

Isolation.

Loneliness.

Depression.

Feeling worthless.

Feeling a burden.

It is facing this EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I will not get better! It is not treatments that clear me of then I become a survivor of. It is not 10 days of rest and pills and I will be cured. It is not a diet change. It is NOT EVER GOING TO GO AWAY!

So then becomes the question…

“What am I fighting for?” Another day of fighting? Always fighting. No end in sight. No relief in sight.

An improved quality of life on some days, yes. But it’s so hard to make those days worth the fight.

We wonder why we fight when there is no goal to work toward. Our social life is pretty much no existent, we cannot work, we just lay here and fight another day- just to do it again tomorrow

And the next day

And the next

And the next

Days become weeks

Weeks become months

Months become years

Yet we fight.

For most of us the question is just that, a question. Not a self harm statement. So when we ask it, feel free to remind us of the reasons to keep fighting.

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