High Pain= No Filter

I’ve always been known for my honesty, I’m blunt and to the point. Some love me for that but most people hate that about me.

I remember, years ago when I could work, my new boss telling me about the day she called my references. She laughed as she repeated being told I was “repulsively honest!” I was confused by the use of “repulsive.” She laughed some more and agreed that my honesty was hard to handle sometimes.

I thought honesty was a good thing, I guess it’s not always the right thing.

I’ve gotten better since then, about remaining honest but filtering and limiting what I say.

Unless, unless my pain is high, if my pain is high you can bet I’m going to hurt someone’s feelings, you can bet I am going to blurt it out, whatever it is.

But here is the SUPER negative to that…

When my pain is high my cognitive skills are low, so…

I will blurt out my repulsive honesty, but it will not come out the way I meant it! It will be lacking words, added words, different words, partial sentences, or without explanation of what I meant by the words I used.

It causes a lot of problems!

Add another Super Negative…

I will forget all about the conversation, the hurt feelings, and have no idea what I did to offend someone. And forget about trying to defend myself because while thinking clearly I will have a different filter and it just makes me look like a liar.

See it’s a mess. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

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