Some days I just sleep, I sleep all of the time. Other days The pain just takes over, leaving me in bed but somewhat mentally functional- those days are the worst!
The worst days mean I hurt to much to move but my brain is awake, it wants to do stuff, it thinks to much, it gets angry and depressed. I just lay there, not moving, it hurts to bad to move, yet sleep eludes me. I wish sleep would come so my thinking would stop.
I try to keep busy with TV, reading, blogging, astrology stuff, but it's hard to concentrate when the pain is this high. So I just lay here, more thinking, more praying for sleep that won't come.
The effort of staying positive is exhausting! The effort of not sinking into a river of self pity is exhausting! I paddle for a while look I finished a blog post, see here is today's astrology report, the feeling of accomplishing something is amazing, but the effort it took is exhausting.
Then the guilt overloads the sense of accomplishment I should have spent more time on that post, I should have added the Oracle readings, I should be cooking dinner- I forgot the potatoes in the roast. Then poof, right back to the river of self pity.
Yet I try! I try to keep paddling!
Oh but the effort is exhausting.