I often don't say it as I should.
My thoughts get lost in translation or I could.
I say it to blunt, my honesty has no sugar shaker.
My intentions are not to hurt.
My goal is not disrespect.
Sometimes it's just me. Sometimes my words and thoughts just do not connect.
Those who know me, know me well, they know my intent without any resentment toward the words I emit.
😂okay I am no poet, but my heart is aching because yet again I opened my mouth and words fell out with no harm intended, yet the words were taken and damage was done.
Why is it funny when Masturbate turns into Meditate, yet other words are taken to be filled with hate?
My brain fills with fog, have I not mentioned this before? My words and thoughts get twisted, have I not made this clear?
Let's just say, I am thankful for my husband who says lovingly "babe it's just your way!"
I'm thankful for those who understand! I'm thankful for those who don't twist what I am.
Blah blah blah-
I've spent the whole day and night kicking myself in the ass for all the ways I mess up when it comes to the twisting of my words, hating myself for slow cognition, berating myself for my bluntness, and feeling sorry for myself for all of it! I've apologized over and over, I've taken the blame time and again.
Well, you know what? I am sick of apologizing to others for who I am! If they cared enough about me they would already know not to take it so literally! I am sick of apologizing for not being enough, not living up to someone's expectations. I am FUCKING SICK TO DEATH OF APOLOGIZING FOR WHO AND WHAT I AM!!!
I will not beat myself up over not meeting your expectations of me.
Today the tears were a wild rolling river, I've cried to often over my lacking in other people's eyes.
I am me and your acceptance is not necessary!