Have you ever watched someone or something walk right into a freshly cleaned glass sliding door? It's funny not funny right?
My mind is full of glass sliding doors, some call it brain fog, to me it's more like I can see the thought or word I want and I go for it and BAM I run into this invisible force that stops me from getting to them. I back up and take another go at it and still that glass sliding door keeps me locked away from my thoughts.
For the last few weeks my glass sliding door is locked. Sometimes I can see the nose prints on the glass, but other times it's clear. Usually I prefer texting or instant messaging because I can edit my words and thoughts so I appear coherent, but not lately. Lately I read the message and by the time I stop reading the response has already came and gone and is now locked on the other side of my brains doors. Sometimes I have the perfect response but my hands do not type out what I am trying to convey.
When the glass doors are shut I have no filter to my words, no tact, they just come out of my mouth and usually not in a tone appropriate for the conversation. So either my words get stuck behind the thinking glass or they sneak around the glass completely.
I know I have not been very nice with the things I say, I don't mean it that way, I don't mean to hurt feelings or call people out on their BS, it just happens.
I think my "you need to clean the house/ start laundry/ take a shower" motivation gets locked behind the glass door too. These are things I know need done, but from the thought to the action I loose it and find myself staring into nothingness.
It is frustrating!!!
It makes me feel stupid!!!
It makes me feel useless!!!
So to all of my friends and family still waiting on responses from the wedding 2 weeks ago, your response is locked on the other side of my glass sliding door.
My brain is just now letting little bits and memories from the wedding be of access to me.
I was mad and hurt that I hadn't talk to my son since we been home- nut my call log says we've talked a couple of times. I don't remember talking to him but I certainly remember who was left off of the Thank You announcement. Why or how can this glass door pick what memories and thoughts to hold onto, letting some in (usually the ones I wish I could forget) and blocking out others?
Okay my doors and sliding open and closed with a vengeance, I'll end this post with wishes of open doors today! 💜💕💜