Here it is, the post revealing the stressors! After this post is posted it’s Blank slate for me~ tabula rasa! But I promised I would tell you when I could, I can now.
The biggest stressor started about 9 months ago, yep you see where this is going, my sons x-girlfriend at the time accounted she was pregnant! I won’t go into the drama that went on, but it was very dramatic. But we were excited! My son was looking forward to being daddy, and me? A first time grandma- yep, I couldn’t wait. Then it doubled- TWINS!!! The Drama doubled too. Well almost a month after the girls were born my son got his first visit, and he glowed! Then he finally convinced her to do the paternity test… He is NOT the dad, I am not the grandma. We went through the hell this little girl (baby mama) played that whole time… it sent me into flare after flare and near crisis more than once. I glad to be done with her!
As for my steaming and venting about friendships, I think I already posted about “I wanna talk about me,” a while back and that is what has been on my mind a lot lately. I’m very hurt that maybe my healthier friends don’t think I have a life to talk about, maybe they aren’t interested in the garden I tried showing of, maybe they don’t know what a big deal completing the herbal course was to me, maybe they… Hell, I have no idea why after I support them in every area of their life that I can think of, even areas I don’t agree with, I support and encourage and motivate them but it’s to much to ask for the same in return? Fact is I shouldn’t have to ask for it, it’s what friends do. A few of the friends I had talked to about it a couple of times, but there hadn’t been changes so I pushed them all away. Not because I’m mad but because I need to take care of me and those situations were hurting me.
Those have been my biggest stressors, so here and now I am cleaning the slate to blank, making room for the new and more positive energy! Releasing the anger and hurt, the tears and the screams, the sleepless night and self doubt- RELEASED!