When did I become so freaking serious? When did everything in my life become a stressor? What happened to the fun and playful me? Life!
I could tell you a billion excuses of why I turned so serious, I don’t consider them excuses, but the reality is what it is. Why did it happen this way? It’s like I got sick and my fun button got taken away the same day.
Yes, Chronic-ness changes things, Pain changes things- I want to find a way to bring that fun me back!
I’m too serious! I worry about everything! I FEAR EVERYTHING! And these everything’s are consuming me!
Okay, now that I have admitted what is wrong, I need to figure out a way to fix it!
I need to break up with fear!
I need to pay special attention to playful!
I need to shake things up- rearrange!
So much in my life is about to change.
I don’t want to play by rules that I had set according to imagined limitations.
I don’t want to put on a professional appearance according to the illusions in my head.
I have built this little box around myself, enclosing myself in here alone with worries of going out there… then I opened my eyes and none of it was as it seemed it was.
The walls start to fall away.
I have had this bass ackwards, I am supposed to be living life, thriving not just surviving. Yes I am a chronic hot mess, but that doesn’t mean I wallow in my rut of fears and anger! I know how heavy this weight is, but I need to learn to change my perspective!
Yes most days suck! No I cannot control the bad days! Yes there will be days I sink into the black hole of sadness! But… there can be new days, where even if it sucks I can find a way to laugh!
If I were to disappear tomorrow I would be remembered for being uptight, worried to much, never let down my guard to have fun! I don’t want to be that way.
Shake it up! Shake it loose! Shake it!