I have been thinking a lot about this last doctor appointment, my doctors “approach” to me now, and I am wondering is there a celing to the experimentation? A point where we say, I’m better than I was, the experiments seem to make me worse, let’s just maintain care now.
I am in many groups for my many illnesses and in most of them it appears we have the same issues to different degrees, no one says “yes I have _____but I am on _____ and have no symptoms anymore.” So I am wondering, why am I still being experimented on?
Don’t get me wrong, I would love to “be well,” as my doctor says “I am not going to get you better, I will get you well.” But what if all of my “chronic illness” are CHRONIC and I cannot get “well”
What if I am tired of being an experiment based on studies my doctor has read about?
What if now it feels like he is pulling diagnosis’ out of the air just to test the medication?
Today I am seeing with a clarity that instead of waiting to get well to move forward with life, maybe I need to let go of what was, accept what is, and recreate a new me based on now!
So instead of standing at the table waiting to get cards ♣️ ♦️ that may not meant to be mine, I will learn to play with the cards I have! I’ve been wasting time. I have a life to live, even if it isn’t the one I thought I should have!
There may not be a celing to the experimentation, but there is a celing to what I want to go through!