Forget to remember or Remember to forget~ 

Something strange is going on and it may take me a while to describe it so it might make sense. 

Maybe this is new, maybe it isn’t! That’s the thing that is making this so weird. 

Okay, so here is an example; I’m not sure why, but… I posted in a fb group the other day, a question, a question I knew the answer to just days/weeks/months/years, but for some reason I had lost total recollection. Not only did I ask a very obvious question, but I asked it NOT in the group that I needed the answer for but in another group! Oh it gets worse- I also forgot that the instructor of the group where I should have asked the question IS in the group where I asked. I have tons of info on the question I asked, I know this well- where did it go? 

Another example; giving someone permission to do something on my behalf, then I find out it’s been done and I am raging mad! Why? Because I had absoulotely no recollection of having the ANY of the phone call granting the permission. 

I am having great big memory blanks, not even able to recall it vaguely! Now, maybe I have always done this and didn’t realize it, but it feels new to be doing it this way! Yes I have always had memory issues, bad ones, but there is something different about this, I think! 

What I am wondering, the Adderall is supposed to help with my brain fog, if it is, maybe it’s is working just enough to let me see the blank spots? Is that even possible? Or is it getting worse? 

I used to be able to fake my way through Facebook posts, I’m not even doing that anymore! I’m scared to respond because what if I say something totally unrelated or… and rereading the post just wears down my brain anyway. So I think “I’ll get back to it.” And guess what? I forget it. 

My energy is good, I think I’m functioning fine, it’s just those moments, the moments I can’t hide from anyone, the moments that don’t clear before my memory has already made a fool of me! 

I’ve been taking online courses for years and years, I love them! But lately I have been wanting to either message the instructor privately and say “I’m usually really smart and very organized and a full participant, but something in my brain is broken and I will (at times) sound completely _______(insert not nice put down of myself and my mental/cognitive skills.)” So far everyone has been patient and kind and I appreciate that so much,  but it is still breaking my heart, I am still me locked in my own mind just watching this stupid stuff happen!

Okay, I started this post yesterday, that is how long it took to get this out and I still did not explain the difference between the old memory stuff and whatever is happening now. 

Oh well I guess. 


2 thoughts on “Forget to remember or Remember to forget~ 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s