A little at a time~

Anyone with chronic illness knows that life changes, some things are sudden changes, some changes happen a little at a time. 

This particular change has been one talked about a lot lately, disappearance. We talk of how our friends disappear! Unless they are naturally caregiver types, chances are that the chronic-ness that is now us is more than they know what to do with. 

But it isn’t just them, we disappear too! 

At first our friends and family are all there, but as time goes on there is less and less interaction. After a while we start to fade into the shadows because, for me anyway, it’s easier to fade away than to be left behind. 

I hate the things my husband has missed out on due to my lack of ability to do stuff! I’ve sat more than once begging him to move on, to go have a life that was fully active and Happy. He’s refused! 

But lately I am seeing more and more of the ease that is becoming me fading into the shadows! I tell him to go on with out me, and he does! Him going without me doesn’t bother me, I understand he needs a life, but at the same time we are fading into the shadows! 

I want to cry because this illness is what keeps me down, but crying will help nothing. I want to hate myself and scream till the old me comes back, but again, that will help nothing! 

Little by little I fade. I fade into the shadows. 

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