We have been home from our trip a couple of weeks now and I am so ready for this flare to be over! I knew I was going to have a struggle recouping from the trip but this is ridiculous.
I can’t even tell if the pain is causing the depression ore the depression is causing the pain, and I honestly don’t care- but it needs to ease up! My days are getting harder to face!
This morning I woke up, before I even moved I knew today was a high pain day! Then I moved and flinched in pain, yep, a really high pain day! Yet I force myself up, I force myself to stretch a bit, trying to work out the pain. Nope, that isn’t helping!
Today is a Bed day, I’ll be in and out of consciousness, I’ll toss and turn, I’ll have pillows propping up hips and knees and feet, I’ll have the remote to the tv lost in the folds of blankets under piles of reading materials, my meds and crackers and electrolyte drinks cluttering the nightstand. Yep today is a bed day!
Today will also be a day that some healthy person says to or about me “must be nice to spend all day in bed,” and I will grit my teeth and bite my tongue trying not to say something like “I’d love to trade you!” “Yes it’s nice is suffer in agonizing pain all day, pain that takes my breath yet forces me to cry out at the same time, it’s a lovely day to hurt so bad I’d rather stay in bed than get myself something to eat. Oh it’s lovely indeed.” You idiot!!!
Today is also the day that I will see sympathies for ear aches, common colds, and wintery flus. Which is nice but I so badly want to scream “they will get over it in a few days! Us Spoonies are stuck in this body forever yet you act as if we should just get over it!”
Oh, excuse me, is my bitter depression showing? Yeah let me tuck that back in.
Today I will just breath and survive the day one moment at a time!
*both images found on Pinterest