Tonight as I crawled into bed with a pulse of 133, through trying to catch my breath I said “of all of my crap, I think POTS is my least favorite!”
Wait!!! What??? “Least favorite?” If there is a least favorite there must be a most favorite? And who would consider any of the multiple chronic illnesses a favorite at all? Seriously? Where did the words even come from? They do not belong in the same sentence together!!!
Okay, but now that I’ve said it, it has got my mind wandering around the land of wishful thinking, what IF I could choose ONE of my chronic illnesses to NOT have, How would I choose?
So I go back to my original statement, “…I think POTS is my least favorite.” (Still a very odd thing to say.) POTS is doing the least damage, not nearly as painful as the others, not nearly the medication as the others, doesn’t cause depression, I don’t even have a “severe” form of it. So why would it be my least favorite?
Maybe because it catches me off guard and knocks me on my butt (literally) so often? The dizziness is total lack of control, I cannot do anything about it except let it pass. But I pretty much do that with all of my “crap,” don’t I?
Maybe I am just not adapting to life with POTS? Some resistance that I am not aware of?
I honestly have no idea, but I do know, POTS gets to me worse than the others! I get angry that something so small as bending to feed the dogs can land me on the floor in a puddle of tears and pain just because I stood up to fast. Some days I can walk to the mailbox, other days I cannot make it to an upright position without my pulse going dangerously high. It comes and goes, ebbs and flows, without any warning.
Well, that didn’t help me answer which ONE Illness NOT to have. I dont think I can pick just one, and if I could I am terrified of what I would get in it’s place.
Anyway,I’m going back to my thinking space to contemplate the what IF’s of life.
Happy Sunday Night!!!