We are home from our trip, and I am happy to say that my health (or lack of) maintained very well. Or should I say it did well to hold out then have a delayed reaction!
The trip didn’t wear me out to bad, being outside didn’t get to me (till the next day.) Saturday I felt it all coming on, all I wanted to do was sleep, but I was able to put on my mask and maintain into the New Year!
I tried not to wear the mask, it was important to me that my family see the real me, not the me I broadcast on Facebook or the me that “is fine” but the real me. But it’s hard to be the real me with people who barely believed me anyway! Most of these people are the ones who have always seen me as “exaggerating” and “dramatic” so why would I want to feed their fire?
Well, my oldest son seen through the mask, and is now worried. This is a relief and painful and irritating all at the same time. I’m relieved that maybe now I don’t have to wear a mask, I’m relieved that now he sees that what I have is real! It irritates me that I have to have something that causes him worry and fear. And it’s painful because my words weren’t enough, my invisible illness had to become visible for me to be taken seriously, that hurts!
Despite the high stress of wearning the “I’m fine” mask and the “we are a functional family” mask, I did well!
We caught the Red-eye flight home and that took the remaining reserves of strength!
The luggage remains packed in the living room on the floor, my purse is still on the couch where it dropped as I walked in the door, I have done nothing since we got home except for sleep!
I am thankful for this delayed reaction because it got me home before I crashed! But today and probably many days to come, I will be paying the price of those few good days! But it is so worth it. I got to participate in the family events. I got to watch my adult sons be boys again, I had the pleasure of meeting my future daughter in law, I got to spend time with cousins (including one I hadn’t seen in 15+ years,) I didn’t sleep through it and for that I am thankful! 💜
For the next few days I hang a do not disturb sign on the door. It’ll take time to recover!