I used to be rather loud, expressing myself was not an issue. I told it how I seen it, no one ever wondered how I felt about anything because I was quick to let everyone know. I don’t know if that was courageous or stupidity, but I stopped doing it when I lost my stable footing in the world.
Now I mostly smile and nod, a few close friends/family may know how I feel about stuff, but for the most part, I’ve shut up! It is easier this way, less drama, and my health requires less drama! BUT, every now and then, when my body is really kicking my own butt, I erupt like a volcano spewing the anger or hurt I’ve hidden (or have I hidden it?)
Then it shocks people, when I do erupt, because of my spewing it just looks like a hot mess of an emotional break down! It is in a way, I guess, but I’m not crying or fuming mad when I erupt, I just say it like I see it and I’m done till the next eruption.
So which is better? Holding it in and hiding it only to erupt later or to speak up in the moment? Or to just SHUT UP and move on?
I’m not to good at shutting up, I’m an open book!
Well it’s almost 3:30am and my stomach is turning relentlessly, low Cortisol I’m guessing, still recovering from an event a few days ago. I guess I’ll shut up for now!