I woke up with a fever.
I woke up with a cough.
I woke up with a runny nose.
I haven’t been around anyone who is sick, that I know of. So where did this come from?
My symptoms used to all run together and I did not know what was what, some still do but for the most part I can name them one from another.
Today for example, I caught a cold, does a cold include a fever? Today POTS is also flaring, my heart rate went to 102 while I was sleeping!!! Went from 77 to 119when I got out of bed! 😢 And I can feel the cold weather coming on again by the aches I have. But this isn’t really the point of this post.
I am angry! Angry and having to pretend I am some one I am not. I am angry.
This week is all about toughing it out, keeping a smile on my face, and pushing myself. I can be me again next week. Have you ever noticed that everything feels worse when you are pretending that nothing is wrong?
It’s tough to be in a situation where a total front has to be put on for someone. I think it makes me angrier at the people expecting the front than the need for it to begin with. What happened to accepting people for who they are? What kind of lesson is this teaching anyone?
My children learned so much from seeing me sick, seeing me real. I feel they are more compassionate and understanding adults because I was honest with them. But I guess that’s just my beliefs in parenting. One thing I can surely see, being honest with children creates children who are honest in return. That’s all I can say about that.
I should not have to wear this tight itchy mask to please anyone. Ever. There should not even be such a thing as a mask.
Anyway, today I put on my mask.
I hope it hides the bitter anger too.