I am no longer the me that you used to know~

I don’t know about you, but I live states away from my family, they haven’t seen me in years. I have changed a lot since they last seen me.

 Recently someone that hasn’t been in my life for years is suddenly back, even though they are my friend on social media and I am quite open on social media, they truly have no clue who I am now. 

Image from Off the mark. com

At first I was confused, how can they not know how I am doing? That I walk with a walking stick? That I spend most of my time in bed? That I am moody? That I don’t do well visiting for long periods of time in a noisy environment? How could they not know this about me? 

  • They never read my Facebook
  • They never cared enough to ask how I was.
  • They never realized how I was truly doing
  • They just don’t know me. 

They just don’t know me. 

Image found in Google Images, author unknown

They just don’t know…

Anyway, this got me thinking; with the holidays coming up many of us will be spending time with friends and family that we may not have seen in a long time. They don’t know the new us, our new limitations. Even if we were sick before, maybe there is something new or worse now. 

I will soon be going home, a place I haven’t been in quite a while, to see people I haven’t seen in way to long! I am terrified!!!

There are so many fears; what if I have a flare and spend the whole trip sick, what if the weather change makes me sleep more than normal, what if my friends drive hours to see me and I only have the energy for a short visit, what if… what if… WHAT IF? 

The last few years have changed me in ways I cannot describe, what if I’m not a person my friends like anymore? What if I’m to boring now, not the life of the party anymore, in fact I don’t even like to party anymore. 

I am nothing like the girl I used to be. 

Image from Trauma Disassociation

I don’t think they’ll have time to notice that I can’t stay awake for long, maybe they won’t notice that my speech slurs or that I lost the entire conversation we just had. Maybe they won’t see the steroid pounds I’ve put on. Maybe they will just notice me and how happy I am to see them. I hope. 

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