Travel Day 1~

I’ve chose to trade places with my son (20) and sit in the back seat this trip, so far it’s helping my anxiety a lot. I even took a nap already! 

Today is only a few hours of drive time, then renting a hotel to catch our early morning flight! 

I woke up with a killer Cortisol headache and haven’t been able to shake it, it’s been a rough few weeks with no recovery time. I was hoping I would magically be okay for this vacation home to see family. 

Even if the last couple weeks hadn’t been tough, I think the severe weather change would have got me anyway. 


Anyway, I’ll be taking you along on this journey, especially travel days, I haven’t flown since the POTS kicked in, so I am pretty nervous. 

Advertisements

ShhhhShutUp~~~

I used to be rather loud, expressing myself was not an issue. I told it how I seen it, no one ever wondered how I felt about anything because I was quick to let everyone know. I don’t know if that was courageous or stupidity, but I stopped doing it when I lost my stable footing in the world. 


Now I mostly smile and nod, a few close friends/family may know how I feel about stuff, but for the most part, I’ve shut up! It is easier this way, less drama, and my health requires less drama! BUT, every now and then, when my body is really kicking my own butt, I erupt like a volcano spewing the anger or hurt I’ve hidden (or have I hidden it?) 

Then it shocks people, when I do erupt, because of my spewing it just looks like a hot mess of an emotional break down! It is in a way, I guess, but I’m not crying or fuming mad when I erupt, I just say it like I see it and I’m done till the next eruption. 

So which is better? Holding it in and hiding it only to erupt later or to speak up in the moment? Or to just SHUT UP and move on?

I’m not to good at shutting up, I’m an open book! 

Well it’s almost 3:30am and my stomach is turning relentlessly, low Cortisol I’m guessing, still recovering from an event a few days ago. I guess I’ll shut up for now! 

Trigger Talk~

Living a life with multiple chronic illnesses, both physical and emotional, is a challenge to say the least! From the outside looking most people don’t realize to the extent which our illnesses effect our lives. It’s not just popping meds, canceling appointments, and being sick.

So what is it then? I could never describe it in a way that a healthy person would understand, you just won’t get it till you live it. 

For me though, it looks a little like this…

Yes, I take my meds, 4-6 times a day. Some meds I have to eat with, some cannot be taken with others, some cannot be taken with certain foods and some cannot be taken within an hour of any food. So scheduling my medications is challenging, then another gets added and the entire routine needs re-examined! Then of course they don’t run out at the same time so a close eye needs to watch for refills due. Okay that’s all for med talk!

The real point of this post was to talk about triggers! Healthy people do not realize the extent we go to trying to avoid triggers. 

With multiple illnesses comes multiple triggers, but I feel the biggest trigger for each illness is the other illness being triggered. For example, a weather change can’t trigger the Myofascial pain and Fibromyalgia, the pain from those two will trigger the Depression and Anxiety, the emotions and pain together will trigger low Cortisol (the Addisons) and the POTS seems to be way worse. So boom- there is a flare! These types of flares cannot be avoided, yes medication and increasing fluids and salt will help, but won’t prevent a flare. 

Planning an activity/event. My family and I are taking a trip to Oregon to see our oldest son and dautghter in law (to be.) The amount of planning for just a few days is mind numbing. 

We have all of the regular planning and packing; buy flights, reserve rooms and car, arrange for pet sitter~ all of that. 

Plus…

The rental car preferred is an SUV for easier getting in and out. I need disability accomadtions with the airline. Those calls and computer work are exhausting so the rest will wait. 

Back to medications, original bottles need to go, but so do the med planners, so condense and arrange those in the smallest possible bag (which is still bigger than my purse.) Double check, make sure i have enough for the trip plus some just in case. No refills needed? Double check that emergency medications are loaded in multiple areas! Also bring doctor notes for medications if needed. I’m bringing my emergency health binder, which is now incorporated with my Holistic day planner. 

Next… Clothing. It is a 5.5 hour drive to the airport from my house, then a 4 hour flight, then drive 2.5 more hours to our destination so dressing comfortably is a must, easy on and off shoes to ease mobility at the airport. And going from 70+ degree weather to single digit temps is presenting its own obstacles. Dress appropriately in layers and bring a blanket. The temperature change alone will probably induce a flare. Getting super hydrated before and staying hydrated during the trip is very important- electrolyte supplements are packed. Rest as much as possible in the days before the trip. 

Arrival- I haven’t been home in years, the family is planning events and adventures, trying to explain to them my limitations is proving challenging. There are so many “I can’t do’s” like I can’t do super crowed places, I can’t do activities that require being in the cold or lots of walking, that list goes on and on. It puts a lot of pressure on them and me. The visiting alone is going to be exhausting, and if the temperature change has provoked a flare Things will be even harder. Oh this is all very overwhelming. 

But to look at this list I see so many triggers 

  1. The temperature change😱
  2. The stress of do I have everything😨
  3. Is everything in order😨
  4. The travel itself😴
  5. The visiting😰
  6. The risks of being around anyone unhealthy that are toughing it out to come see me (if they are contagious- I will surely catch it. 😷
  7. Change in diet 🤕
  8. Change in activity 🤒
  9. Regular family stressors 😕
  10. The triggers unknown by events unknown. 

I am trying really hard to plan for and work with any triggers! It’s what we do, we look for triggers in every situation and we try to avoid them. 

Having so many illnesses present their own unique triggers, but like I said earlier, their biggest triggers are each other. 

I am so excited for this trip, I’ve missed my parents, son, other family and friends so much! I pray my health cooperates and lets me enjoy the few days I have with them. 


I’m praying that the one red dice does not fall, creating the others to fall to. 

*I have fallen asleep twice trying to post this. Hopefully it’s complete now. 

And Down she goes~

I’ve been having a rough time hanging on! The last few weeks have been challenging to say the least, but I was staying afloat, that is until today. A heartbreaking text sent in anger sent me spiraling out of control. 

A sitting down heart rate that went to 139 and remained there for to long.


Then the heaving and vomiting started.The shakes and all of the other low Cortisol symptoms followed along. 


Now I feel like I’ve been repeatedly ran over by a semi-truck then salt pours on my open wounds, in 150′ weather with buckets of ice sending me into shock every few minutes! 

HAVE I MENTIONED I HATE THE HOLIDAYS? I do. 

The eggshell walk, the painted smiles, the hidden flinch of pain, the buried scream is agony. 

But my ever faithful healing hound always at my side. 


Today’s stresses have knocked my symptoms into next week, and the festivities have not even started yet! 

Keep calm and updose! Stay hydrated! Breathe! STAY CALM!!! 

Seasonal Allergy~

This time of year is hard for so many people, it has been engrained in us that holidays are a time for family, but for some it isn’t. 

”Tis the season… that lack of family, for whatever reason, is highlighted, BIG AND BOLD, and it hurts. A lot. Rather the choice is ours or not, it doesn’t matter, it still hurts. 

“…still hurts when I get reminded of it during this season.” My son, age 20, reflecting on what a black sheep of any family he is. He tries to act like family doesn’t matter, because they have let him down so much, but family is what he really wants most. As his mother it breaks my heart to see the way grandparents (step and biological) treat him and leave him out.

I’ve decided that I have seasonal allergies, I’m allergic to the holiday season, the fake family get togethers that stress everyone out and stab each other in the back faster than a 3 year old unwraps the gifts. My symptoms are watery eyes (I’m not crying,) shaky (I’m not mad,) hole in tongue (I’m not biting my tongue,) unable to control volume when I talk (I’m not yelling,) Insomnia (so I can lay here thinking of all things I wish I would have said.) 

Yes, these seasonal allergies are bad! I’m allergic to the BS that goes into judgemental, critical, two faced, family gatherings. (This is why they don’t like me, I’m real, fake people do not like real people because the truth comes out!) 

And social media, don’t even get me started about the damage that can do this time of year! Some idiot driving home the fact of who is or is not liked in the family and posting it for the world to know, as they smile innocently like they had no idea what was done. Awe- bless your heart! 


This post started with a caring concern and has turned into an eruption of bitterness, anger, and hurt. 

To all of you struggling with seasonal allergies, you are not alone! The holidays will pass and things will go back to normal. Stay strong and don’t let them get to you! You are loved! You are worthy! You are important! 

Friends are the family we choose! Family is not always blood!