Before I got “sick” I loved plans, I loved schedules, I loved routines and I would go bezerk if something changed! I did not like my plans being derailed at all, because that would ripple out to more plans changing. It made me crazy!
Then I got sick.
I was NOT planning on that! It took a long time to let go of my planning tendencies! Well, actually I still do make plans when I can! And yes I still get crazy when they change!
I’ve had quite a few things going against me during the last month…
- Winter is setting in and my body responded to the cold by flaring and fogging.
- Regular life stresses and changes.
- A holiday that we hosted- I enjoyed but I way overdid it and sent myself into a flare.
- Traveling- it always makes my symptoms worse for days afterward.
- I had completed two different trainings and was being inpatient about getting things rolling, I should have waited!
- Everyone is purchasing amazing planners! OMG they are everywhere! And I want one, one of each of them! But I have learned in the previous couple of years that a planner does not Work for me! I purchased them, lovely amazing planners. I did the work. But the change of plans because I slept all day or couldn’t function or had to cancel plans was a big neon Sign to me of the person I no longer was able to be! Why put myself through that? But still, Oh I want to be a planner!!! But still, I know that is not healthy for me!
- I didn’t listen to my intuition, I got caught up in the moment, again forgetting I am not who I once was! I signed up for NaNoWriMo, I love to write, and last year it came so easy, so I tried again this year, even though I knew my brain is not what it was last year. I know I didn’t fail because I kept trying, but I planned on finishing on time with at least 50,000 words! I was disgusted and disappointed in myself because I didn’t accomplish what I had my heart set on accomplishing (even though I knew from the start it would be so much more challenging this year.)
Ummmm, looking back, I can see why I was snapping emotionally! Oh and a new diagnosis of POTS in the middle of that. So yeah I did really freaking good, with all things considering!!!
I did learn a lot through this turbulent time! I learned that…
- Adapting to this chronic new me is going to be ongoing and ever changing, but that I must remember to accept me and my limitations with each moment as it comes! Fighting it only makes things worse!
- I need to take one step at a time! Instead of spreading myself so thin then wondering why things are getting messy, I need to adapt to tiny steps!
- That I am not failing as long as I am still trying!
- That I am pretty damn strong for just getting up in the morning, everything else is just a plus!
- That it is okay to admit when I need to step back and take care of my health first!
There are so many more lessons I have learned, important lessons! I am grateful for the wake up reminder!
“Keep being strong and keep being brave!” Words posted to me from ‘Nursesnotions’ the impact those words made…
“KEEP…” the word ‘keep’ reminded me that I have been being brave and strong. I felt so weak lately, but looking back… I have been anything but weak!
We cannot have a chronic illness (much less several of them) and be weak! Omg we are strong! We are warriors! We kick ass daily!!!
So to us all I say,
KEEP BEING STRON AND BRAVE!!!
*By the way, I think I found a planner that might fit me that I hope will be less planning and more projects, I love projects!