Today I keep telling myself that at least I tried! But the little voice in my head says “yes but you failed! You did so much better last year. You are getting worse.” I’m trying to shush that voice, but then that voice gets louder…
- You started the Facebook group and it failed.
- You took the courses and have done nothing with them, you failed.
- You started NaNoWriMo but didn’t finish, you fail.
- You started your Younique business and you sell nothing, you failed.
- Your heart longs to do astrology, you have no consistency, you fail.
- You have no consistency! You fail at everything!!!
- You fail
- You fail
- You fail
I start projects, groups, businesses, books, and without consistency they fizzle away. The things I start with passion become a chore that wilts and withers away.
Without these projects I would wither away, these projects are a double edged sword for me though. Because they feed my desire to wake up in the morning, but the guilt of my inconsistency is smothering me.
My friends say “at least you tried.” To yet another failing attempt at doing something that fuels my passion, I have to dig really deep to agree with them. Because I really want to say I am tired of putting my heart and soul into something that is never finished, never fully materialized, stops before it gets started.
The guilt of the unfinished is a heavy burden. In my heart I want to be consistent with posts for my Younique business, I want to post clear and insightful information about this weeks astrology aspects, I want to hold planned events with my circle of sisters, I want to be the person I was.
BUT I AM NO LONGER THAT PERSON. I am no longer able to PUSH myself to even pretend to be that person.
I am not giving up, Today I am searching for acceptance of my limitations. Trying to find if it really is okay to keep trying these things when I know they will most likely end up in the “unfinished” folder of my heart.
I know how people must see me, oh she is starting something new, AGAIN! She never finishes anything. Because that is how I see me. I just need to figure out what to do about it…
accept it? stop trying? what?