To TRY or NOT to TRY? that is the question~

Today I keep telling myself that at least I tried! But the little voice in my head says “yes but you failed! You did so much better last year. You are getting worse.” I’m trying to shush that voice, but then that voice gets louder…

  • You started the Facebook group and it failed.
  • You took the courses and have done nothing with them, you failed.
  • You started NaNoWriMo but didn’t finish, you fail
  • You started your Younique business and you sell nothing, you failed.
  • Your heart longs to do astrology, you have no consistency, you fail.
  • You have no consistency! You fail at everything!!!
  • You fail
  • You fail
  • You fail

I start projects, groups, businesses, books, and without consistency they fizzle away. The things I start with passion become a chore that wilts and withers away. 

                 

Without these projects I would wither away, these projects are a double edged sword for me though. Because they feed my desire to wake up in the morning, but the guilt of my inconsistency is smothering me.

 My friends say “at least you tried.” To yet another failing attempt at doing something that fuels my passion, I have to dig really deep to agree with them. Because I really want to say I am tired of putting my heart and soul into something that is never finished, never fully materialized, stops before it gets started. 

The guilt of the unfinished is a heavy burden. In my heart I want to be consistent with posts for my Younique business, I want to post clear and insightful information about this weeks astrology aspects, I want to hold planned events with my circle of sisters, I want to be the person I was. 

BUT I AM NO LONGER THAT PERSON. I am no longer able to PUSH myself to even pretend to be that person. 


I am not giving up, Today I am searching for acceptance of my limitations. Trying to find if it really is okay to keep trying these things when I know they will most likely end up in the “unfinished” folder of my heart. 

I know how people must see me, oh she is starting something new, AGAIN! She never finishes anything. Because that is how I see me. I just need to figure out what to do about it… 

accept it? stop trying? what? 


There are many versions of this prayer, pick whichever version you know, for me, this is perfect. 

Blessings! 💜

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7 thoughts on “To TRY or NOT to TRY? that is the question~

  1. You haven’t failed, you are still trying – not past tense, present. So your illnesses prevent you from getting from A to B with a project, there’s more than one way to skin a cat – or so they say. 😉

    Focus on achieving one thing at a time; infuriatingly slow and you’ll be itching to do more, but by putting your focus on just the one thing you will have the energy to achieve those goals – even if it takes years to do. The sense of achievement is amazing and drives you on to do even more in whatever time it takes.

    By working with your body you soon learn when you can and can’t be productive. Sure, achieving this can take time, but you do get there.

    Big hugs and love honey xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, very good point! As I read your response I pictured trying to clean off a very large table with many dishes etc. I kept trying to get it all in one armful. No wonder I cannot accomplish any one thing, I have to many things going on. Mix that with my health and anyone would be dropping dishes. So, I need to set it all down, work on one thing!
      Thank you!!!
      I don’t know if I have ever thanked you for being here for me, encouraging and supportive. But Thank you! Your words, your friendship means so much to me.
      Thank you! 💜

      Like

  2. I could sit there and argue your every ‘failure’ and chant back at you “you lived, you lived, you lived” but I won’t because I think you’re getting it.
    I will promise right here, that next spring when we clean out the closet, I’ll take pictures of all my ‘unfinished projects’ so you don’t feel so alone.
    I, too, drop the ball, all the time, I have books unread, courses unfinished, groups unattended……I believe that there is a learning curve that’s bigger than my eye can see and that if I wait a little while I can look back and see how each attempt at something (new or old) has improved my life whether I’ve finished it or not.
    I love you and all that you do so don’t ever stop trying new things!
    Albert Einstien/ lightbulbs…Babe Ruth/ strikeouts…all that inspirational shit!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I love your motivational talks. Seems I’ve needed a lot of them lately. Thank you so much for being there for me! 💜
      As I read this message for the 10th time I realized something, I do see the lesson/success in my NaNo- I didn’t make word count, but I finished the story, the therapy was complete. So, in the direction of what you said the other day about winning because I was trying- well I am a winner because the story is complete. 💜

      I cannot possibly ever thank you enough for the ways you have seen me through some dark moments, but thank you, with all of my heart! 💜💜💜

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  3. What determines failure? Because in my eyes, you’re not giving up, you’re just adapting. When we live with chronic illnesses, it’s hard. No, ifs, ands, or buts about it. We face challenges that most people can’t even imagine. How can that possibly be failure? Taking care of ourselves has to be our main priority. Sure, maybe you didn’t finish some projects, but you have time to finish it. You’re not quitting, you’re adapting, changing. Sometimes we have to make adjustments in order to take care of ourselves first. Don’t push yourself too much, or give yourself too much of a deadline. You’re not finished….those projects aren’t done. You have time to take your time. Your goal is different than everyone elses. Your goal is to take care of yourself, while also finding some enjoyment. So focus on that, because if you do you’ll soon realize you haven’t failed at all.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think it’s only natural to have self doubt at times and feel sad especially when dealing with the types of things we deal with, but as long as we keep going and keep fighting that’s all that matters. So many people say you have to be “strong” and “brave” well being strong doesn’t mean to not feel emotion. It’s quite the contrary in my open. It’s expressing your emotions and not being afraid to share them and experiencing them and living life and moving on despite them. So keep being strong and being brave 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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