I’ve been kind of lucky lately, it’s been a while since I had a super bad flare day. But today is the day! I’ve felt it coming for a few days, although I didn’t know what it was!
All of the smashing-crashing-debilitating- keep me in bed all day- symptoms have fully taken over my body!
Today is especially tough on my esteem. I had brought my hopes back up about being able to Finish NaNoWriMo with a WIN, but today’s flare knocks me out of the possibility! I’m trying not to beat myself up over it, but it’s hard not to! It’s hard not to see that this combination of illnesses had robbed me of one more thing! It is heartbreaking at best.
For my cheerleaders saying “it could be worse, be thankful of _____” please save your breath, it is not what I need to hear right now!
So today will look like this for me:
- I’ve already taken my 6am and 10:30am meds
- I’ve already forced down some breakfast
- I’ve updosed
- I’ve taken some pain medicine
- The electric blanket is turned on and warming up
- Gatorade and water are by the bed
- I will crawl in bed, toss and turn searching for the least painful position, then I will pray for sleep
- I will take my 3pm meds and return to the least painful position, and again I will pray for sleep
Days like today are the toughest! I am mad at my health and sad for all it’s robbed me of. I am tired of the pain and the never end cycle. I try to be positive, but it’s hard when you know there is no cure, that this chronic illness life is a roller coaster that I will never be able to get off of.