“How are you?”

It’s a common question, everyone asks it and hears it asked to them! “How are you?” Usually the answer is “fine thank you.” Or something similar! 

Have you noticed that very few people ask how you are with any intent of hearing an answer, or with little care to how you really are. 

“How are you?” Is supposed to be friendly connotation, right? So why does it have such little friendliness? 

Sometimes it is asked simply so the can respond with how they are and then proceed to spill how they (we) really are! 

Then it all gets a bit more complicated when we have a chronic illness, do we really tell them how we are? Do they even really care? Just stick with “fine and you?” 

Rarely do people listen to understand, they are busy in their own life!


I don’t think it’s a matter of they don’t care how we are, I think they are just busy with their own life! I don’t think it’s done out of malice or uncaring. 

Yes, I have noticed how certain people really don’t respond when I tell them how I am, even if it’s a little blurb that doesn’t even scratch the surface of how I am. 

It’s easy to notice what others do, so I’ve been trying to notice if I do it to, I do! It makes me sad, how many people have I hurt by seeming not to care? By being so wrapped in myself that I didn’t truly listen to their response? If that’s you, I apologize! 

So what is a good response, as someone with a Chronic Illness, to the big question How are you?”  Yes is varies according to who you are talking to. Most of us Spoonies are Liars! Because we never tell the truth, but we don’t lie on purpose, we’ve been taught that our response could be “oh fine, riding purple unicorns.” And we would get the same memorized response! Like we weren’t even heard! 

Recently, I have notice people in my life that truly listen, I have noticed how amazing that feels! Like they truly care and truly want to know more! It feels like nothing I can put into words. I want to make people feel like! I want to listen and respond like that. 

I challenge you, today, to listen to understand- to truly hear and to respond from the heart, not just a rote memorized reply! Listen with your heart! Respond not just reply. 

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