Heavy Heavy Heart~ 

Yes today was Election Day, and many many people are upset. It was a close race! But this isn’t the cause of my heavy heavy heart, sounds selfish right? 

My heavy heart is because today I lowered myself and invited drama into my life, I was aware that my actions would cause drama, I was not aware to the extent that the drama went, but I knew some would come!

I am mad at myself! I’m mad because I know better. I am mad because the drama only led to more anger! Why did I do that? 

I am paying the price now, and possibly will be for days! My pulse during the Facebook comments and responses got up to 149- sitting down (thanks to Fitbit I can look back at the times.) I’ve been laying down for almost two hours and I am at 101 now. It’s coming down. The headache isn’t going away though. 

I stress dosed a couple of times today, but during the drama I was shaking so bad and my face went completely numb, but I was so wrapped up in it I didn’t even notice I wasn’t doing okay. 

Once the drama was over I felt myself feeling the shakes and numbness, the weakness and unsteadiness as I walked, I felt the aches and the pains. 

I need to remember that I am not who I once was, I cannot handle what I once could have. 

Plus, now I am replaying the whole night, seeing all of the things I should have/have not said differently. Why? Nothing has been nor can be resolved for several more months. So Why? Why today? Why at all? 

Fending off a crisis. 

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