The quiet of the Night~ Brought to you by Painsomnia

I love when I wake up early and can sit on the porch, sipping hot coffee, watching the sun rise, listening as the world wakes up. That is my favorite time of day! Unfortunately though, I rarely see that moment!

Most mornings at dawn I am finally getting sleep and sleep is worth missing a sunrise for. Other days I have yet to sleep from the morning before and the beauty of sunrise does not have the same appeal! 

It’s painsomnia that keeps me awake, the feeling of I think my legs might actually pop tonight, or feeling just enough discomfort to not get comfortable, sometimes I’m allowed brief minutes to doze off with shooting pains as my alarm. 

Yesterday (Friday) was a rough day, I barely got out of bed, yet I did not sleep! In fact, I did not read or watch tv, I did not write, I basically laid here, tossing and turning. 

Now I am 1500 words off on my NaNoWriMo goal because I did nothing yesterday! 

Then all night, I just tossed and turned again, chasing a comfortable position I still have not caught. 

Yes my mind buzzed with every possible thought, and there are so many possibilities right now, it kept my thoughts quite busy. It is not the busy mind that gets me, it’s the deafening silence between thoughts that hurt. Because it’s those moments I feel the reality of the silence. Alone. Yes others know my pain, they are laying somewhere feeling the same emotional cracking that I feel. It feels alone. Like a spotlight shines just for me, only it’s painful and I cannot escape it. 

Yet sleep does not come.

I drag myself to think again, thinking is the lesser of two evils. 

Yet sleep does not come. 

The emotional torture, the physical torture~ another night to survive~ 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s