My grip is slipping! 

I try, I try all day everyday to push through! 

Tonight, actually all day, has been such a challenge, more than most days! The brain fog frustrated me to tears, hysterical laughs, venomous screams, then finally surrender. 

I sit here wondering why my brain is not connecting the dots, to know they are not connecting is so harsh, yet I push myself! I try to be compassionate with mysef! If I were witnessing this in another person I would be compassionate, patient, and concerned. 

Yet it is me, judging myself, for being “stupid” and “slow.” Then I get mad at myself because “you haven’t held down anything in 9 days! Of course your brain function is going to slow down.”

Tonight after loosing my dinner I laid here in bed crying, I don’t want to be sick anymore! I don’t want to have more wrong with me. I’m sick of being sick. 

I’m sick of pushing through!! 

I am sick of being sick!!!

I am sick of being me!!!

My grip of holding on is slipping! 


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