It is going to take me more than 30 days to do this challenge.
What is the biggest realization I have had?
There are so many big realizations it’s hard to mention just one! But if I had to pick just one; People are cruel to people with seen and unseen disabilities! Don’t get me wrong I have seen people being extremely loving also, but for the most part, people aren’t nice. From the people you think are friends making demeaning comments to the family who should support you minimizing your symptoms to the stranger who makes you feel inadequate for walking with a walking stick- people are cruel!
Getting used to disappearing friends, trying to block their hurtful comments from my memory, pretending I’m okay that they are gone~ that’s tough, really tough! It hurts. A lot. I am not the way I am on purpose, yet I’ve become someone they can’t stand to be around!
Family~ is it denial of my situation or simply that they don’t believe the seriousness of it? My symptoms are minimized, they think I can be cured by meditation, a new hobby, or changing my diet! I wonder if they know how they make me feel?
But, I think the biggest realization I have made has been about me! I am on this journey of chronic illness, sunken to the depths of myself to trudge myself back from the depths, I’ve been at the edge ready to jump and yet I don’t! I am so much stronger than I have ever realized! I get to meet a new me everyday. I face my darkness daily, balance is my goal. And get to get in touch with me on a level most people don’t take the time or effort to do! I’ve realized helping others feels better than helping myself.
My husband, sons, and true friends have shown to me that I am worthy of unconditional love, even with all of this chronicness.
Okay so I did good at not writing a ton of BIG realizations! These were my biggest!