How does being chronically ill make me feel?
When I first read this prompt I laughed out loud, how do you think it makes me feel? How would you feel if you woke up one morning and for no reason felt as if both ankles were broken, they were fine the night before, then gradually you got sicker and sicker. As you got sicker your friends disappeared, your doctors couldn’t find a cause and your family minimized your pain. You couldn’t play with your babies anymore. You couldn’t function, a conversation was exhausting and frustrating. You either slept all of the time or you prayed for sleep to relieve the pain and depression. You felt crazy and alone. Oh so alone! Now a wheel chair or a walking stick are traveling companions, the medications cost more than your mortgage, the doctor appointments are your idea of getting out for the day, what the mail man brings is what you look forward to just to break up the day! Multitasking is now swallowing a pill and water at the same time, a nickel bouncing in the dryer overloads your senses to the point of nausea and a meltdown, and what was once your favorite tv show now makes you shake with sensory over stimulation. How would YOU feel? Yes, I feel angry, and I feel sad, and I feel disappointed, I feel cheated, I feel abandoned. I feel like a burden.
How does being chronically ill make me feel? I bet you wouldn’t have thought that it also makes me feel blessed! Yes, I said blessed! The people that are still here love me for me, unconditionally! My husband promised “in sickness and in health” and he’s kept that promise. My sons are amazing young men in part because of my illnesses. I have taken a journey to the depths of my soul that most don’t take the time to do. My relationships are real. So yes, I feel Blessed!