It’s Saturday night, Halloween is just in sight, so a bunch of friends are getting together to carve pumpkins. A pumpkin carving contest!!! I got this! I love Halloween! I got this! Count me in!
And then BAM, last nights torture carries into today and does jumping jacks on the CANCEL button.
So here I lay, in bed, surrounded by ice, heat, and Healing Hounds while the festivities continue without me! First, let me say, I am sooooo glad that hubby and son did not changes their plans and they still went to have fun! I truly do mean that.
For the longest time my hubby wouldn’t go anywhere unless I could go too! That broke my heart! So seeing him still get to go enjoy himself means a lot. I’ve heard of caregiver burnout and I don’t want him anywhere near that point.
So with all of that said, and total understanding that this rant is not about anyone, I have this to say… THIS PISSES ME OFF! THE CANCELLATIONS AND BEING STUCK IN BED INSTEAD OF LIVING MY LIFE MAKES ME SO STINKING MAD!!!
So for a moment, in my mind I am going to scream, yell, break things, use my illness as a punching bag— I will return in a moment!
Okay back to my reality, the mental fit throwing didn’t change anything but did feel good!
All fits aside, I want the healthiest to know, that when we cancel, it isn’t personal! We really wish could attend your event, we really wish we could be part of the fun! The walls of our own rooms close in on us and getting out beyond these walls is more cherished than you could imagine.
Last night the paINSOMNIA kicked my butt, only to find out today that there was some rain pain mixed in there too! After almost 6am finally falling asleep, sleeping a couple restless hours to be awoke with some stressing news, then its cold outside again… I just cannot go. Even with hubbies great idea of plugging an electric blanket in outside so I would get cold, I need to be laid down, not fighting the cold, not fighting the urge to sleep, not fighting the urge to scream when the pain surges.
So here I lay, on a Saturday night, missing another night out with friends, praying that I sleep or the pain ends.