A good day! 👌🏻

Today was actually a pretty good day! It’s weird having nothing really to write about! 

My complaint today would be these knots in my hips that feel like a tennisball is stuck in my joints! 

My my gratitude for a good day outweighs my complaint! It’s so nice to have a good day, days like today are what get me through the other days! 

Sending you all love! ❤️


I promised myself~

I made myself a promise that I fully intend to keep. What’s the promise? I promised myself that starting today things would settle down and I could rest, I would take better care of myself, I would be able to relax into myself again! 

You see for the last year our life has teetered on many drastic changes made necessary by outter circumstances out of our control! Changes we didn’t mind making, but took some adjustment.  A year of pending court proceedings for the custody/visitation/welfare of my husbands daughter. Yesterday the proceedings came to a close in a way that is good for everyone. I cannot go into details, but that is not the point of this post. 

The point of this post is that for the last year, everyone involved has been living their life on the edge of their seats with worry, anticipation, and expectation. Believe it or not that is extremely exhausting physically and emotionally! 

That is where my promise came in, that at the “end” of the ordeal that I would take a breath, take a break, come back to myself. And that is exactly what I am doing! 

I will open the books I love. I will resume the classes I have let fall by the wayside. I will reestablish the routine that once brought me joy. I will start responding to my friends again. I will laugh. I will breath. I will awaken. 

I hadn’t realized the toll the combination of stresses had taken on me until I seen the end in sight. Then it was a little seed feeling the first warmth of summer, it started pushing through! 

It feels nice to know that now we can settle into some normalcy. 

I promised myself the gift of Me! 

Invisible Awareness Week~ my “30-things”~

Invisible Awareness week shines a light for Awareness that is Spoonies need! I found this “30 Things” on WildSister .com and am passing them along to you. Here are my “30 Things.” Join in, like, share, SPREAD THE AWARENESS!!!

 1. The illness I live with is: Adrenal Insufficiency (SAI,) Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Chronic Fatigue, GERD, Hypothyroidism, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Insomnia, MultiSystem Degeneration of the Autonomic Nervous System and many many more! 
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 1996- 2016
3. But I had symptoms since: way before I was diagnosed. 
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: every aspect of my life. 
5. Most people assume: Since I look okay that I must feel okay! & that I am just a drama queen. 
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Waking up, taking meds, and making myself face another day. 
7. My favorite medical TV show is: I don’t watch tv much. 
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: my walking stick. 
9. The hardest part about nights are: getting to sleep! Between the pain/discomfort and insomnia, sleep is elusive. 
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please:) 13 different pills and 9 different vitamins. 

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have tried so many with not enough result to keep paying the price. 

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: invisible.
13. Regarding working and career: I can barely take care of myself much less work. 
14. People would be surprised to know: what I really go through. And that I do notice the doubt you have about my ongoing problems. I do notice the friendships that got stronger and the ones that are now superficial. 
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: My abilities vs inabilities. 
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: complete the 50,000word NANOWRIMO! 
17. The commercials about my illness: make life sound easier than it is. 
18. The commercials about my medications: are just scary.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: my social life. 
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: blogging. 
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Hike, play outside, go dancing, play on a slip and slide, remember what fun was. 
22. My illness has taught me: a lot about myself! A lot about the people around me! That everyone has a story, don’t judge based on what is visible. 
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “Pray!” I’m so sick of that one. And “you always have something wrong.” Umm duh- I know that!!! Oh and the worst “at least it’s not ______.” I hate that because it minimizes what I do have, and most of what they compare mine to has a freaking cure! Mine don’t have cures!!! 
24. But I love it when people: ask, send a text, a message, a phone call just to ask how I am doing, and sincerely want to know the answer! That will bring me to tears. 
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times: “this too shall pass.” “It’s mind over matter and this don’t matter” “it already it what it is.” 
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: I will be there for them! So many people say “it will get better” and it doesn’t, in fact it usually gets worse. 
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: The way people treat me! That and how lonely it is. 
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: it’s happened a couple of times; surprise me with a cozy new blanket &/or flowy pajamas, sweet snacks and a movie they want to watch with me. Yes the gifts are nice but it’s the thought, spoonies love pajamas, blankets, snacks, and movies/books! We love that you recognize what DOES make us feel good! 

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: Healthy people need awareness of what we actually go through. We need support from or friends and family. 

The medical community needs awareness that research is needed because yes you can cure most cancers but can you relieve this pain? 

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: like you do truly care about how I am doing, if you have questions do not be afraid to ask. You questions show that you are at least curious about what I go through. 



 Ps I copied this from Wildsister.com

I will admit it…~

Stress gets to me, it really does! Physical stress, emotional stress, weather stress, family stress, happy stress, it is all stress and it all gets to me in the worst ways! 

Lately my life has had an unusual amount of stress, an unusual amount of stressors. Stressful situations where my responses and reactions are important. 

My responses are not being what they would be had I felt better. And today a major oops, I sent a text to the wrong person, a text with sensitive informtaion, a text that went to the opposing forces! A major oops! 

I’m trying to be there, doing what I do, because I don’t know what else to do! And I’m doing it horribly because I’m so exhausted from doing it so much lately! If it was just one major thing, I can push through that. But we have several major things, and each is sensitive to facts not emotions. 

I feel like I’m about to drop. I cannot drop yet I am still needed! I still have to prove that I am capable of being me. 

I wish people understood how I feel inside, how it feels with each new brick of stress being piled onto my shoulders. I wish they understood the pain it’s causing. I wish they understood how hard I am truly fighting just to survive this! 
I AM TIRED AND I admit it! 

My ability to stand strong and fake the smiles is growing weary and weak. My mask is slipping. I can’t keep pushing. 

Like a Phoenix~

I will rise from the ashes, stronger for what I have been through! 

photo taken from Pinterest

I have always had this affinity to the Phoenix, no matter what has happened in this hot mess of a life of mine, I always rise again. Stronger. 

September has been a month full of extremes. 

  1. I lost a dear friend to cancer 😢
  2. Lost an uncle to an accident. 😢
  3. The coming of not 1, but 2 grand babies due April 25th😊
  4. All the dramatics of young/fighting parents to be😡
  5. Another announcement that I have to keep quiet about that I am excited about. 😊
  6. The custody trial of someone I love. 💔
  7. 2 very important courses started that I have barely functioned to attend to. 🤕

This may not sound like much, but it has been and continues to be extremely stressing, taxing on my health, exhausting physically and emotionally. But with each new thing I have said “I can’t handle anymore.” But guess what? I have handled it. Yes I updosed! One day I even had to triple up my hydrocortisone. 

photo taken from Pinterest

We have one more trip tomorrow, then the trial I mentioned is Tuesday, then 8 hours home again! Then I am resting! 

Now I know I am strong enough! 

I may burn, but like a Phoenix I will rise from the ashes, Stronger and brighter than before! 

but I am ready to rest, yes I’ve survived this emotional month of extreme highs and lows, but I’m tired! 

A good video to watch~ 

I’m not going to say much, just going to leave this right here. 

Want to know your score? http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean

Just Surviving~ 

The Intensity of things lately has really taken its toll on me. It is taking more updosing than I am use to doing. It’s like I can’t catch up with myself. 

Image from Google Images

Today I am taking a down day! I feel guilty because there are things that need done, paperwork that needs filled out. I should not be laying in bed.

Image also from Google Images

This headache won’t allow much more than laying here barely moving. I start moving around and the pains everywhere else get worse, making the headache worse, so honestly, it won’t do much good if I even tried to accomplish anything today. 

Technically I don’t know if low cortisol is considered a flare, but that mixed with the fibro flare I am in, the Myofacial pain is flaring too- so I don’t even know what to call the days where all of my symptoms seem to be active. A really bad day?! I should invent a word! 

And the delay in my reactions, I should be thankful for, I seem to kee my head above water during the chaos, but as soon as there’s a calm moment my symptoms come rushing in. 

Okay I am babbling! Truth is I am having another pity party! I want desperately to feel more positive, but it is just out of reach at the moment. 

I will survive, because I am a Chronic Warrior Goddess, a Phoenix that always rises again from the ashes of these illnesses!