After posting earlier about Friend envy I seem to notice more about moments for me to be thankful for, to not take for granted, to savor.
At first I laid in bed looking at the water bottles and medicine organizers I keep nearby (for before bed, 3am, and wake up medicines,) my walking stick is within reach, and a collection of books and journals, pens and paper nearby- and a “why me?” Came over me.
Then as I situated myself amongst the pillows I noticed something, my hubby, although asleep, is sleeping to block me from turning over! I will explain this in a minute, but my point here is that I wouldn’t trade this moment for the world! Even in his sleep he is protecting me, loving me, and being amazing. I am so blessed to have him by my side (literally too!)
Okay, now for the Why I am not turning over… A couple of weeks ago I must have slept wrong because I woke up in such pain, my neck, I couldn’t move it for two days. Then it happened again. And then once more! I do not remember experiencing this before.
Well this morning, hubby noticed I was asleep on that side again and he tried to wake me to roll over, I guess I was in agonizing pain and he had to get out of bed and roll me over.
Again this afternoon, I laid on the floor and had turned over on that left side, not sleeping, and could not get myself rolled back over. Yes it hurt, but it was more like my brain was not telling my body how to roll over. It was so weird. He asked what he could do and my answer what simply I don’t know, because I didn’t have a clue what was happening to me. So once again, hubby had to roll me out of that position and then he had to lift me from the floor!
So yay me for a new symptom! NOT!
Maybe it is just the exhaustion from the last couple of weeks? Maybe? I am pushing myself way MORE than normal so that would make sense! I don’t know, but I don’t like it.
Do you know what else I don’t like about it? Well aside from the helplessness, is that I can put on a good front while I am awake, but when I’m sleeping I cannot control the crus of pain- that I didn’t know until this week- that I do in my sleep.