Meltdown…


I am only human. 

I do want to cry it out and just move on. But it isn’t that simple. I will wake up in the morning with the same things I tried to cry out tonight. Sometimes I just pray that tomorrow never comes, if my prayers are ever answered, don’t be sad for me, it means the pain is finally gone. *No, I am not going to harm myself. 

I just get so tired of feeling like a character from the movie Groundhogs Day, you know where the same days gets repeated over and over. 

My days get repeated over and over. More pain, less sleep, more pain, less sleep. Over and over and over again! Oh but wait, add stress or weather change and the days get worse and the nights get longer- yeah, because that is something to look forward to! 

Today is a meltdown day! I was convinced that I could handle something that early on in this “something” my body is saying “Duh- told you that could not do it! Dumb you for even thinking you could.” 

So I am having a meltdown! I feel guilty for  wanting to push on while my body is dragging me down. I feel guilty for just wanting to hide away and rest.  I feel guilty for not being honest about the pain and new symptoms popping up. 

I am not unpacking in my meltdown state of feeing sorry, I will rise again, like the Phoenix I am, but for now- I will melt down. 

*picture Thanks to Warrior Goddess Training

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