We can not tell it to hold on. It does not stay at bay when we need to be healthy that day. It does not let us bargain or choose!
It says when! It says how! It does not care of the where or why!
Chronic Illness; the pain, sleepless nights, moody days, and all its other wicked ways- it says when and it says how.
Yes we have that important thing coming up, that thing we really need to be healthy for, that thing that has so much riding on it- we beg to be healthy. Our begging goes unheard.
We try to bargain to be healthy for that thing we need to be healthy for, then we get the rejected notice written in pain on our muscles, bones, and sleep pattern.
The guilt comes crashing in like waves against rocks; damaging and unforgiving. If only we weren’t this way.
But I am this way! I may screw up this important thing like so many other things. I wish I could choose to be different, healthy. The impact on others may be more than my heart can allow, I am sorry for the price they pay because I cannot choose another way.
I am not healthy, I cannot change that. I have to accept my limitations and malfunctions. I have to accept the repercussions.
Chronic Illness does not wait for an Invitation.