Did I Almost Give Up

Yes, I almost did, several times over the last week. I’m tired of fighting this demon called Chronic Illness; I am tired of lack of sleep, tired of the pain, tired of the emotions that accompany them both, I am tired of the medications, I am tired. 

I know this roller coaster is nothing new, I know that the moment will pass. I know that the stages of chronic illness come and go. I know these things, yet it’s a battle to keep fighting.  

So in the middle of yet another pity party of one, this article popped up in my news feed. And suddenly I realized something…

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/positive-thinking-doesnt-help/?platform=hootsuite

That I am fighting too hard in certain areas. I realized I can just stop for a minute and cry. Cry a lot! Hell, who wouldn’t cry with everything the Chronic Monster puts us through? 

Here is what I did; I went outside, under a beautiful moon and I screamed (ummm- a wee concerning because no one came to see why) but then I cried! Anger and hurt of Why do I have to be so sick, why can’t I get a good day of relief, dried on my cheeks. Eventually when the tears stopped I seen something I have been taking for granted.

I like the person I have become since the illnesses have progressed! Yes, you heard me right, I like the new me! 

The new me is healing emotionally, something the old me never slowed down enough to do. 

The new me is more caring. 

The new me is a better wife, friend, mother, sister, woman! 

I may not be able to physically do what I used to do, or to remember or decipher what I once could, but I have gained new personality traits that make me a better person. 

The new me has found more meaningful pastimes.

The new me is new and growing everyday. 

So even though I despise this life of chronic-ness, I am thankful for the person I have become because of them! 💕 

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