Everyday, for the rest of my life? 


Bravery Huh? I don’t feel very brave! Some nights (like tonight) it is hard to “be brave.” I get tired of fighting, every single day! Knowing that I will never feel “good” again, that there is no end to the misery, yet I keep going is brave? 

It is 4:30 am, I have yet to sleep, that is to much time to think. And nights like this go on and on until I drop from exhaustion then it starts over. 

I’m bundled in blankets thanks to a fever, sick to my stomach, and thinking. 

Thinking that this is part of who I am everyday for the rest of my life! 

I am mad, mad as hell! Why? Why do I have this and why do I have to live like this? 

I try, I try so hard to make this better for myself and others! I try to find the silver linings. I try. But then I ask again.. Why? 

People say “be more positive!” Be positive? You try my sleep schedule, pain level, not to mention all that comes with them and then see what “be more positive” means! 

Everyday. Everyday for the rest of my life. 

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