Re-Align Your Dreams~

When I first got “sick” this most recent time I thought it was the end for me, I wanted it to be the end for me. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life bed bound with no purpose. I slipped into give up mode. I couldn’t see me beyond my illness! I let it consume me!

I think it was a HUGE mix of things that woke me up but what I remember most is the following: I knew of a few people, suffering illnesses, giving up like I did. But standing on the outside I could see their world in a wider scope! Like them giving up on working; I could see so many potential jobs that they could do but because they couldn’t see beyond their illness they had given up. I remember being envious because if I were in their shoes I’d try _____ just to stay working. But in my eyes they weren’t even trying and it was so sad to see them give up.

Then…

One day I was laying in bed wondering if I had given up so easily too. What else could I do? What could have I tried? What should I try? People much more “disabled” than me were doing out of the box things to give them purpose, earning a living, having a life… what if…

And then the ideas came pouring in. Suddenly life purposes started popping up all around me like flowers in spring.

When we are in pain 24/7 it’s hard, nearly impossible, to see ourselves able to do anything but lay in bed and suffer. I know, I’ve been there. Our dreams and goals have been ripped from us and we feel as if nothing is left. But what if…

just imagine for a minute…

Our illness was a course corrector, like a U-turn or sharp corner, it stops us, it forces us to see a side of ourselves we would never have seen, it makes us dig deep into ourselves, it realigns us with our true self. It forces us to just be. Then an awakening happens, we re-evaluate ourselves and find new purpose, a purpose we never would have found.

We are chronic, I know this! I know I will never be cured. But by really looking I have been able to re-align my dreams, I have purpose. No, the pain doesn’t stop. No, I am not reliable because down days and naps and appointments still pop in. But I am learning (or trying to) flexibility and acceptance that I am doing the best I can and the world will have to be okay with that.

Anyway. Yesterday on the Mighty they posted this article that I wanted to share with y’all! Take a look here.

Find new purpose! Kindle new passion. Find your purpose, because I promise you do have purpose.

Sending you love.

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With the Good Days~

With the good days the bad days seem so much worse.

When I get used to good days and a bad day pops in for a visit it sure makes me wonder how I endured years worth of bad days.

I woke up this morning and every bone in my left foot feels broken, my left elbow is still trying to dislocate, my back is a constant spasm, the pain today is high. This is very little compared to what was my bad days, but oh it seems so bad.

Rain is coming, my body feels so much more sensitive to it now. I know that’s not the case, the rain pains just stand out more now with having so many good days.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for the good days! I’m keeping them! Maybe a good way to describe it is red paint splashed on a red canvas isn’t that noticeable, but red paint on a white canvas stands out. The paint is the same in both scenarios, the contrast is what’s different.

And it is hard to adjust to.

Just my randomness for this Thursday morning!

Pity Party Cancelled!!!

I am Temporarily cancelling the pity party. As much as some part of me is trying to be there and make it the bash of the year, a bigger part of me says “oh no ya don’t get to get off that easy! It’s just a bad day!”

Just as the darkness tries to argue, that bigger part of me, the part that has passions and dreams points at the ladder and says “Climb! Pull! Fight your way out of this before you get lost again!”

*image from Pinterest.

Sometimes it’s just hard to see the point of another bad day. Sometimes I forget about the good days that make it all worth it.

It’s okay to have those days.

It’s okay to scream.

It’s okay to cry.

In fact DO THAT! Scream! Cry! Feel it all.

Then brush it off, pull yourself together and head back up the ladder.

Congratulate yourself for another day accomplished.

Easier said than done, I know. But I also know it’s possible, my success rate of climbing the ladder is 100% so I know I can do it. You can too.

Here is your ladder! Climb with me!

Again

I was so sure I was getting better, in remission or just something that made me better.

I had so many good days.

I made plans.

I was thinking positive from the back of my unicorn!

And reality has her claws in trying to pull me back into that darkness called depression I used to dwell in.

I don’t want to go back there! I don’t want to live like that again.

And don’t anyone tell me to “think positive” because the let down of that is devastating!!! Yes mindset may be a major part of the battle, I do see that now. But seriously, open your eyes to the reality of CHRONIC-ness.

Anyway, I’ve spent the day in bed again today, unable to even read due to the relentless pain my head. So I lay there, in and out of consciousness, knowing there is so much I should (want) to be doing, but I can’t move. I just lay there with my pain cuddled up like a lover that I hate.

I don’t want to give up on goals and dreams again… but it feels like the choice is being taken from me. Again

Expectations & Realizations~

Once a month I have the house to myself for an entire weekend (minus the people checking in on me-which I appreciated.) These me weekends used to be ordinary days of being stuck in bed with my chronic ness. But this weekend was going to be different!

I was excited, I’d had so many good days that I made plans of lots of reading, studying, and working on my big project. I got treats for me to eat, I had it all planned out!

Friday night was restless with the old pains I should recognize. Insomnia. Sweats. Nausea.

Then today I slept on and off all day.

It has been like the other chronic weekends, spent miserable.

I hate this! I hate these diseases.

I’m trying to cope, to have a life of my own with these illnesses! I’m trying to cooperate. But how?

I’ll be having good days and set appointments, set goals, make plans but then something like a weather change 3 days from now turns my world upside down.

Yes, the weather in 3 days is what set me back this weekend.

How can I adjust to this?

Patience

Acceptance

One day at a time.

Gratitude.

Flexibility.

Or something like this.

My self expectations vs actual realizations are a smack in the face. I will fight this. I will not fail.

The Sunshine Blogger Award~

Imagine my surprise to see Chronic Cosmic Gypsy nominated for The Sunshine Blogger Award! This is my first nomination and such an honor it is that I Tripped Over A Stone made that nomination! I’m not sure how she found me, but I am glad she did! I love her blog, she keeps it different and real! And she truly cares for her readers! Thank you love! 💕

So the rule of eleven comes along with this award. I will answer eleven questions that were asked of me. I will ask eleven new questions and nominate eleven blogs. Here we go!

My Eleven Questions to Answer:

1. Ice cream or french fries? Both? Together, add pickles!

2. Do you consider yourself a writer? Yes!

3. What would you do if you could not blog? I would go crazy! Blogging is good therapy!

4. Have you already had your dream vacation or are you still planning it? Still planning it!

5. Sports car or muscle car? Muscle car of course!!!

6. What do you believe are the pros and cons of using cuss words on a blog? I believe the pros would be showing the bloggers true and unedited voice. The con would be some people are offended by cuss words.

7. What is your favorite social media outlet? Facebook, primarily because I am more familiar with how to work it. Lol.

8. Defend your position as a cat person or a dog person? Dogs, I really have no defense, if kitty’s make you happier than dogs then I am not one to change your mind. Just don’t try to change mine either.

9. Favorite guilty pleasure? Chocolate- the good kind not fake stuff.

10. What was the last book you read? Judgement Detox

11. Who was the last person you said, “I love you” to? My little sister!

So for the 11 I choose to nominate because I love reading their blogs for various reasons, and in no specific order, I would like y’all to recognize the following…

And the Nominees are:

Ok Then, What’s Next

Sue’s Views and Soul Loving Vibes

POTS: Finding Smiles in the Trials

okay, there has to be an easier way to add these links in here aside from saving this draft going to their blog site, then searching it in safari, the copying it, coming back here and pasting it… I’ll add the rest as figure out an easier way…

In the mean time, my 11 questions:

1. Why do you blog?

2. Are you a day person or a night person?

3. What is your Sun Sign (Zodiac?)

4. The city or the Country?

5. Biggest Blogger pet peeve?

6. When writing a blog, do you plan it and edit it, and double check it or are you an impulse blogger?

7. Do you have certain days to post blogs or is it random?

8. What is your favorite season?

9. If you were a tree what kind would you be?

10. What is your SuperPower?

11. Is this your first Sunshine Blogger Award nomination?

Thank you again I Tripped Over a Stone for this nomination.