A New Journey~ Diet & Lifestyle Change

Let’s face it, I suck at secrets of my own. I am an open book and I enjoy sharing my Cosmic Gypsy journeys and this one is no different, I honestly tried to hold it in till Friday.

So before I burst with excitement of the newest journey I have a back story to tell.

I have a love hate relationship with food. With junk food I love it. With anything I have to cook, I hate it.

Up until I started steroids this wasn’t a problem (or maybe turning 40?) either way I was always to skinny! I was called so many names (Gumby, toothpicks with tits, q-tip to name a few and got accused of so many things because of my under weight. My height at 5.10 didn’t help matters.

Then to try to “heal my gut” I’ve been on elimination diets of so many kinds trying to “fix it!” And of course that meant lots of cooking and prep. And OMG the bone broth diet- it was years ago and I can still smell it. Yuck.

Anyway…

Fast forward to the Addisons Disease diagnosis, lack of mobility, turning 40, whatever…

I went from size ZEROS to 12’s in a year or maybe two. I didn’t count because at first I loved having curves! Troll butt and I loved it.

My eating habits are terrible.

Chocolate!

Soda!

Double bacon cheese burgers and fries!

We even added in Hello Fresh (which I loved because I just cooked what they sent- no imagination or “what should we have for dinner”) but I would still not eat all day then eat hello fresh, but after a couple days I would binge on fast food and chocolate.

Forget cooking during the day unless someone else was eating!

It hurt to be in the kitchen- it’s a different kind of standing to cook, the intense pain made me not even want to eat when I did finish cooking.

Then add in IBS- yep everything went right through me because it was either junk or in shock from not being junk.

So you see, I have a terrible relationship with food. I hate it.

Anyway…

The weight just keeps coming.

And coming.

And pretty quick that 200lb mark was to close for comfort, not to mention being considered over weight by one dr and obese by another. But the weight in numbers wasn’t what got me, it was what I seen in the mirror, it was how I felt after a binge, it was how I felt between binges, it is my adversity to the kitchen. I knew something had to change.

I tried a couple minor things, but didn’t stick with anything because Why? I hated food and I hated trying to come up with recipes, and I hated… I just hated.

A diet was not going to work for me. I needed a lifestyle change. And I needed it to work with lack of mobility not exercising blah blah blah because of all of the chronic illnesses and medications. But I also needed a plan and accountability…

and like I am going to find all of that in one place. So I give up.

No I am not trying to sell you anything!

A friend of mine had talked about her program. She was showing results. Her excitement was awesome, but when she told me about the lifestyle change I said “I’m in!”

Soooo… My package should arrive Friday, I’ll start the program Saturday. No, I won’t post the before pictures until I have an after picture. I won’t even be allowed to see the before until I’ve made a noticeable change ( hubby and I agreed on this.) But I am going to share my journey. Raw and unedited like always. So be prepared for whatever emotions come with a process like this.

Oh and yes, my doctor is onboard. We have went over the meals etc, he’s already ran blood work so we can monitor that! He’s approved everything and advised on taking my thyroid a bit earlier and to keep up on electrolytes and salt, but he will be monitoring me!

So- there it is. For now. I know I’ve been a bit vague about the diet/lifestyle changes, but as of now that is how I want it to be for a number of reasons which I will reveal as we go.

I’m cautiously optimistic but very excited about this. We all know that us Spoonies don’t have the same successes as healthy people, but I am jumping in, praying it works and with no adverse reactions to my chronic-ness.

True to Chronic Cosmic Gypsy ways, here I go on another journey!

Advertisements

Routine Maker Bookcamp~

I’m the worst about any sort of routine! I used to thrive on routine before I got sick, but when I got sick nothing could be routine.

What if I slept in?

What if I stayed in bed all day?

What if it was a good day?

What if I didn’t sleep at all?

What if~ you know the story! With chronic illness it’s impossible to really have a routine~ at least for me anyway.

This lack of routine & schedule drives my depression and anxiety into the ground. But what can I do?

I took a nap today and had a dream about what might be the answer for me! Yes a dream! Being an intuitive/psychic/astrologer I have learned to listen!

So tomorrow I start the Bootcamp I seen in my dreams. “Routine Maker Bootcamp” cute huh?

What is different about this is that there is no time schedule, just a to-do list. And no I don’t mean a “if I feel good enough” to do list.

  • Things like taking my meds (morning, mid morning, afternoon, dinner, bed) and morning prayer, morning ritual, journaling, self love… stuff that should be done every day but I will skip it if…
    • I didn’t get out of bed in time
      I can’t do it in a specific order due to getting up late
      I didn’t sleep good last night
      I am staying in bed today
      I have brain fog
      I just don’t feel like it…
  • No more excuses! There are things I do daily, why am I choosing what is routine and what is convenient to only on good enough days.
  • So no more time stamps except for what is truly appointment-time-stamp- necessary.
  • No more setting myself up to fail.
  • Bootcamp will last 30 days! I need to see if this works to actually get me to do routine tasks, to be flexible about the timing, to be less controlling about the process, to take my meds correctly, to improve my sense of accomplishment, to increase my power over my perceived and real limitations of my illnesses.
  • ROUTINE MAKER BOOTCAMP starts 9/14/18
  • I have my list and will be able to see my progress rise and stay steady, being able to add more as the need arises!!!
  • It’s a Spoonie thing~

    I get excited over the silliest stuff, but this is one most of you will understand. I remember the excitement well, the day the doctor said “we will see you back in 4 months.” FOUR! I felt as if I had graduated, some big accomplishment! Four whole months before my next visit!!!

    My appointment was scheduled for early October!

    well…

    My body didn’t want to wait that long!

    Remember me posting the other day about my “throat bone” hurting? Well, first of all there is not a “throat bone!” It’s called thyroid cartilage! Strange, I always thought that was a bone.

    Anyway, turns out that there is not supposed to be pain there! Turns out that considering my history it’s a big deal to have pain there.

    So I go in tomorrow morning (October’s lab work has also been moved up) for labs then to see the doctor about my thyroid cartilage pain. Oh how my vocabulary has broadened with medical terminology.

    Seriously, I get mad because those of us with chronic illnesses should be exempt from “normal people” illnesses but there should also be a limit to how many “not normal” illnesses one person can get. I think I exceeded the recommended limit. I don’t need to learn anymore new medical terms.

    Strange though, I’ve had offers of friends/family to accompany me to this appointment, that’s unusual, is the Universe telling me something? Shhh don’t think like that.

    My hope of graduating to 6months between visits is very slim at this point. But hey, I did make it 3 months.

    The things only a fellow spoonie would totally understand.

    New Pain Question~

    So… I have a question for all of you…

    I woke up this morning with my typical pain and low cortisol stuff. Travel and humidity pain, lack of sleep and all that. I expected it all, it’s normal!

    But…

    My throat hurts! Inside and out! The outside pain is the unusual thing, and it’s not getting better as today turns to tonight. Not the sides of my neck but to touch the bones of my throat from the outside.

    I’ve looked it up so I’ll answer the most common questions…

    • I did have a coughing fit today.
    • Yes it feels like my sinuses are draining.
    • No it’s not effecting talking or eating
    • No fever
    • No runny nose
    • Yes I have thyroid issues
    • Yes it came on suddenly
    • Yes I slept in a new environment.

    Any ideas or suggestions?

    Thank you.

    “Life of the Party” Envy

    “Life of the party” Envy.

    On Thursday afternoon we left home for a 15 hour drive; the first 8 hours then sleep then the remaining 7. Saturday morning my pain was intense, travel pain and humidity pain.

    The destination was to attend our dear friends’ wedding, out in the beautiful trees and rolling hills, ponds and critters, and quartz crystals everywhere. I think it was the energy of where we were but the pain eased to a bearable and even allowed true smiles kind of level. The Wedding was beautiful, the bride wasn’t a ‘zilla and the whole this was beautiful and perfect.

    (It went so well I forgot my HC and was a bit late- my drunk appearing actions and reactions blended in well with the reception activities.) funny not funny.

    Anyway, here is the point of this post… the Reception gave me life of the party envy. I used to be the wild and funny one, I used to be the one on the dance floor and pulling others out there with me, I used to be the meet and mingle, drink and dance life of the party.

    Now, even though I rested in advance, my body did not want to dance. In fact, hanging out with my baby granddaughter watching the reception fun was the extent of my physical abilities that night.

    I want to dance so bad! I wanted to be that girl again… Two realizations happened with the party envy I was then experiencing…

    1. My health robbed me of that girl.

    2. I’ve got probably 20 years on the new life of the party girls.

    20 years- my mind doesn’t feel like that! How did that happen? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for everyday I wake up to a new breath. And believe me, that girl girl I was robbed of had plenty of time as life of the party. It just blows my mind that I am now “mom” of the party and the best seat in the house is with my hubby and granddaughter.

    Know what else blows my mind but not in a good way? The fact that I woke up feeling like I was the life of the party; my head and body ache like I was drinking whiskey shots from the bottle. Hangover to the worst degree without the intake, in fact it’s because of the low cortisol.

    Life sure has changed! To some degree I am thankful, but it sure did make me miss that girl who could dance. Life of the party.

    So now we are headed home, the entire way in one day! I’ll be down for a few days, hopefully that’s all it is a few day, but then I’ll bounce back to what I now call normal, just 20 years wiser than that girl who thrived on being the life of the party.

    Maybe it’s just the Rain~

    I’ve had a good stretch, several good days and even weeks. No the pain never goes away, nor does the other symptoms- please don’t assume that “good” means symptom free. I’m very thankful for those times, they make me feel alive and worthy of life!

    Then a flare or a crash or whatever is happening happens. Fear sets in, not just a fear of the pain but the fear of how long will this last? Is this the flare that lasts 10 years instead of five? Is this the flare that lands my name in granite? Fear!

    It happened gradually yet suddenly at the same time. I was going along, yes over-doing it, but going along at almost unsick pace then I notice I’m more tired, moody, the pain, headaches, the symptoms keep piling. The cortisol is running through my system like it’s a marathon.

    I updose.

    I double dose.

    I triple dose.

    The symptoms keep coming. I’m canceling plans, not attending events, letting my friends and family down. This is familiar, I’ve been here before, I don’t like it here. Please don’t let me get me!

    It stormed the other night, so maybe it was the weather in combo with a minor “oops I’ll take them later” forgetting my meds (not so minor- I got real sick!)

    but it hasn’t eased, in fact I think it’s getting worse! Even messing with my blood sugar which is new-ish! So I look at the weather for the coming week…

    This should ease the fear, but it has already set in, I question “but what if it isn’t the rain causing this pain and flare/crashing hell” The rationally me know the damage rain pains can do, but the pain doesn’t mix well with rational me, the pain makes my emotions wonky.

    I breathe, deep breaths, willing my emotions to calm and know this is just a storm and it will pass.

    Deep breaths.

    Really deeps breaths.

    I made the decision to come off of disability, but moments like this make me question my decision “what if” and that just awakens the fear dragons!

    Sleep Fear dragons, I got this!

    Foot Steps Goal

    I will never forget the day my doctor said “10,000 steps is your daily goal!” I laughed, at that point I was lucky if I’d get 1,000 steps a day. Some weeks my average according to Fitbit was 3,000-5,000 for the week. I remember those days, I remember those steps! I remember the pain and agony that each of those steps caused. So for 10,000 to be a goal was so far fetched I could do anything but laugh at that silly doctor.

    Now here we are, a few years later, several dosages higher in medication and a new doctor and guess what? Some days the goal of 10,000 is not only met but exceeded. My wheel chair stays parked and my walking stick is a gorgeous decoration.

    Yes the pain exists, that is just something I need to accept and live with. But I am doing so much better. My foot steps goals are being raised, yes that’s intimidating because it took me so long to reach this goal, but now I know that the goals are achievable. Persistence, pushing, being flexible and forgiving with myself, and not giving up is what it took to get here and that’s what it will take to get to the next goal.

    New goal; 10,000 foot steps 4 days a week!

    What are your footstep goals and what encourages you to meet those goals?